The Road I Took Anyway

Hi 💖 

I haven't posted anything in ten months. Not because I didn't have anything to say but because life got real. Welcome back and I hope life has been treating you kind. I hope you have been treating yourself kind. 

I'm not sure why I came here or what to say. Seems a bit confounding to be creating a blog post if you haven't given any thought to what you might write. Alas, here I am typing away.

And although I'm here, I'm not the same version as before. I'm clearer. More intentional. And life's storms had a way of helping me find myself again. I think somewhere along the way we grow up and in doing so we lose an important piece of ourselves.. Especially women. 

Our focus becomes careers or family and for the multi-talented, both at the same time. I'm recently in the latter as I've just begun a new job as a professional sales consultant as well as ramping up my real estate career. Adjusting to work life as a mom of two littles has been challenging, exciting and exhausting. 

As I was just beginning to adjust to having two small children, I was already building businesses again. I envisioned working part-time on them but life had other plans and I adjusted full throttle ahead. Sometimes detours happen to teach us things or take us on a completely new path. 

I often find myself seeking a new adventure. Once I've climbed a mountain, I rest. I take in the scenery, feel the victory and rest. I bloom where I'm planted, absorb all their is to know and then one day I feel that restleness and begin looking outward on the horizon again for my next mountain. 

I've always said if God meant for me to stay in one place he'd have given me roots instead of legs. 😊

I find that I've lived an extraordinary life thus far because of this gift he planted inside of me. I realize some people do not like change. My mother is one such. So I must've inherited this gypsy soul from my father. 

Back to losing yourself to find yourself ladies.. So, I grew up. I learned to be a wife, a mother and a help meet to my husband. Whatever I set my mind to accomplish, I worked hard and gave it my all. I tried to fit in time to do the things I enjoyed but as every new mother comes to realize, that's not always possible. But like everything, this is just a season. And it's a season I wouldn't have traded for any hobby. I'm fortunate I was able to experience all of their little love fully.

Now that they are a little older, I have found time to relearn myself. The storms I've weathered this year helped me remember who I am. I have always loved music. I spent years listening to children's songs and Bible stories. And I enjoyed teaching my children those things. But I forgot your girl likes trap music. Rap music. Otis Redding. 90's country. New bands. New experiences. Listening to people pour their passion into their instruments.

I had forgotten a lot about myself since I was sixteen. Or twelve. I loved dancing when I was younger. Anything that takes me out of my head. I joined a ballet class. I started playing poker again. I met with friends and laughed until I cried. I had days where I wanted to isolate and just clean but I left the mess on the floor and had a coffee and playdate with a friend who needed my help but didn't know I needed her more. 

It was a struggle for me to bypass my perfectionism and go. And go, I did. A complete 180. I really didn't need to be perfect. The house survived without me bleaching the toilets every week. The kids survived when I stopped cooking elaborate from scratch meals every night. And I found myself again.. doing all the things I enjoyed as a teenager. And not being so hard on myself. It wasn't a choice I made. And God made me so strong, that life had to beat it out of me before I said let's go. And let it go. 

And see? For that I'm grateful. For without the storms change wouldn't have come. 

It makes me excited for my new adventure even more. I love the outdoors but my environment here keeps me inside more often than I prefer. I enjoy hiking, mountain biking, rock climbing, landscape photography and anytime I'm around blue water I turn into a fish and refuse to get out. 😅 I love being outdoors in the mornings and connecting with nature in the evenings. I stay in my head a lot and spending time outdoors in pleasant weather with a camera relaxes me. 

Being able to get my energy and passion out during an intense hike grounds me. Meeting new friends who "get you" make you feel less alone. 

Letting down my walls and letting others in and receive help has been my biggest struggle but also my biggest blessing. I have made a best friend who I know I'll remain life long friends with. I'll always remember the prayer she prayed over me the day I called her sobbing, letting her in on all the things I'd kept hidden that I was going through. What a relief it was. I thank God for her and had I'd not gone through storms I wouldn't have that friendship. 

I also learned some hard lessons this year. I watched people who I thought were in my closest circle look secretly happy for my hardships. Oh, they said the right things but God has put an intuition in me that hasn't lied yet. I never said anything to these people. I just watched and adjusted. I had good friends and family refuse to involve themselves and I had strangers who jumped in without hesitation. They rolled up their sleeves and weren't afraid to get their hands dirty. 

That's God's weeding and growing. I didn’t say it wasn’t painful but it was clarifying. And without the trials I would have had fake friends smiling in my face the rest of my life while missing the true gems. There were many people this year who gave me a drop of water in a desert and it brought strength to my spine. 

All I needed was a little support and God sent me that to make it through. He continually opened new doors to me just as I needed them. Not before, which did give me anxiety, but just as I needed them. Moment by moment he was there to guide me. Everything I'd read in the Bible started making sense in hindsight and it caused me to rely more on Him. The struggles of Job and his faithfulness.. the verse in 1 Peter that says "cast all your anxieties on Him, because he cares for you." I'd read them all. But I never had to practice them all. 

And practice I did. I was an unruly child but He never left me or forsook me. He protected me and provided for me. 

Now I am doing what I never thought I could. But survival season is over. Now it's time to thrive! I'm rebuilding and ready for the next adventure God calls me to. 

I'd like to take a moment so just sit right there and I'll tell you how ....

Haha, ok actually I'm going to share a very well known poem and a personal favorite of mine with you but reveal a meaning behind it not many people come to understand.. it's very pertinent to my life and I hope it gives you insight to yours as well, friend. 

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost 

I've always, always enjoyed this poem and like most people thought Frost was describing forging your own unique path. Or perhaps choosing something bold over something mundane. However, the real meaning of this poem is how we later tell the story of these choices and how we make those choices.

You can see this in the poem where he says "Though as for that the passing there 

Had really worn them about the same"

Meaning it's two similar choices and the uncertainty we feel behind making a decision. 

Most notably is the ending.. "I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.”

Most people think they bravely chose the unique path but the deeper meaning is that we look back and say, that decision changed everything. Or that I chose differently.. Even if at that time I wasn't that clear. It's saying that we create memory after the fact.

So if you're feeling uncertain, or that you're not able to do it all and wondering what if? This poem is about doing it anyway. And owning your path.

I have chosen to no longer wait, hope and remain in a dynamic that isn't serving me. But instead to choose myself, go out and move forward. 

Whatever road you're contemplating I hope God brings you guidance. And if you're nowhere near a road and stuck in the woods, take time to enjoy the scenery even amongst the fear of not finding a nearby road. Take time to learn about yourself so when you come to the fork, you know better which route to take.

Good luck friends! You have but one short life. LIVE it! You don't have to choose the perfect path, just make it memorable. ✨️ 

~Crissy